tired.tonight

it turned out to be a longer day than i anticipated.  there was laundry to do and lessons to attend. and there is so much on my mind right now in addition to the normal day to day… i turn thirty tomorrow, we lost a baby six weeks ago, bella is growing up…  oh how she is growing up.  

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

we have rounded the corner from little girl to young lady in one fell swoop, and i am having trouble keeping up.  somehow she is smarter and funnier and louder and smellier and more aggravating than i knew a child could become. and i am thinking at the dawn of thirty, of what she will be in another twenty years… a mother? a wife? a painter? where will this child with such hope in her eyes be?i am also thinking about how i got here… to motherhood and a family, a husband and a home of my own.  i am thinking about how i am not the same person i was when bella was born, i am not even the same person i was in january as i sat looking at a year ahead of me bright and beautiful. i am thinking about the baby that is in heaven waiting for us.  i am thinking about how i am quieter… more reserved… more careful with my heart after all the first of this year has brought.i am more set now than ever before on one foot ahead of the other, walking my journey day by day.and i am tired.   

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~ by Erin on 27 March, 2008.

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