Charles Wayne Betz
Jan. 11, 1918 – May 21, 2007

so, in the interest of being honest, like i said i would be when i started this page, i have to say that this is not such a good day.

my grandfather died. charles wayne betz. he was 89.

how do you say that? how do you admit a thing like that? do you just say it? i guess there is no other way.

he was a hurting man.  a man who, as far as i know, never once found peace on this earth. his story is long, and selfish, and painful. i remember him laughing on occasion, mostly when he was with my daughter, and i don’t remember having “fun” with him much after i was ten or eleven, but i loved him anyway.  he was sometimes infuriating, and kind of mean, and could be vulgar, but he loved me. he loved me very much. and for the last little while, he couldn’t say so, and that sucked, but i know he loved me. and even more important, he loved my daughter, and he was always in my corner when it came to her, and that is everything to me.  he had an opinion about everything, but the only opinion he had on bella was that he was thrilled to know her.

i miss him, and my heart hurts, and i don’t quite believe that this is real. i thought i would feel glad for him, because he is with jesus, but i only feel sad that i didn’t see him more recently and that i was so afraid of him the sicker he got.

i can’t cry, and i can’t not… mostly, i am just really really sad.


~ by Erin on 21 May, 2007.

12 Responses to “charles.wayne”

  1. Word of comfort don’t always cut it, but I’m sorry. Glad to know that, even near the end, you have joyfull memories & the knowledge you’ll see him and will laugh again.

  2. thanks baby… it is a hard time. funeral on friday… interrnment on sat. it is an interesting way to celebrate our anniversary… my grandma hasn’t cried… says it’s ok, he’s with jesus, but she just sits, and crochets, and looks sad. my heart is so broken for her.

    maybe i will call you this weekend? will you be home?!

  3. Oh Honey, my heart breaks for you. Hope you have someone who can hold you while you cry. Quite a gift you have to know you were loved even when words and actions didn’t always confirm that. May angels enfold you, hold you and carry you as you say goodbye.

  4. thank you thank you thank you. yes, my husband is an amazing man… he is great thru all this. what a beautiful sentiment “angels enfolding” it is just what i needed today.

    peace be with you… sparrow

  5. ……..and also with you. You are more than welcome. Glad you found a small measure of comfort during this sad time. Are your grandparents from this area also? If so, may I stop by the funeral home to see you? Certainly do not want to impose. Just thought that no one can ever have too many people caring about them – even strangers.

    Rest well, pretty sparrow, you are safe and never alone.

  6. grandma nancy, i will not be at the funeral home, bella has a girl scout banquet tonite that is taking appropriate precidence. but i appreciate the sentiment. you are welcome, most definately, even thou i am not going to be there!

    my mom knows that you are from the area, and read your words of comfort from yesterday… so there you go. just tell her you are “grandma nancy from vergennes” and she will know who you are. she will be the little one with curly white hair.

    the funeral services and visitation were listed in the press… betz is the last name and the obit ran in wed’s paper. the funeral home is pederson in rockford.

    thank you again and again from the bottom of my heart for your comforting words. quite honestly, knowing that someone from the gr area, from this online community is interested in this caring way brings me great comfort.

    always, sparrow

  7. grandma nancy… 6:30 to 8pm is the time at pederson. i will maybe be there after 7:45… maybe. just thought i would let you know the possible change in my plans.

  8. dear precious sparrow, thank you for allowing me to be present for you in such a small way during this difficult time. I am honored that you shared a simple note with your mom. Certainly understand that Bella’s girl scout banquet takes priority. Thanks for the info on visitation. I’ll try to arrive about 7:30, just in case you make it. The first priority is you. Do what is best for you today.

  9. I love the picture of him you posted. He has this look on his face like he’s only doing this to amuse the person behind the camera, yet the hat says something different… about a sureness in himself.

    I love the small glimpse photos give us about who we are.

  10. Please accept my sympathies and extend them to your mom.

  11. thanks, will do.

  12. so sorry.

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