bella’s bio dad emailed me today that he has called friend of the court to cancel the evaluation meeting on the 30th.  he also is going to call mr. lawyer to start the termination process.  when i talked to mr. lawyer today, he said that this was good news.  now we need to file the adoption paperwork asap. for the first time he is following through with something.  

i am still in shock. 

this has been a “thing-i-have-lived-with” for so long that it seems weird that it is this simple when it comes down to it.  and it hurts in a way that he is giving up so easily.  i think i always wished he would fight for her… and when he did, i wanted to win in the court system fair and square.  i wanted them to take away his rights.  not have him relinquish them.  i talked to him today and he was all business.  no emotion at all.  and that sucks too, because his relationship comes down to whether or not he can afford her and whether or not his wife will be pissed off.  it isn’t about love for him, and i don’t think it ever has been.  for whatever reason, he decided to fight, and in the long run, it wasn’t worth it.

i have to remind myself that she is worth it… it is his view that is skewed.

i also have to remind myself that amante is in this with me.  i am tempted to carry the anger, sorrow, and hurt that bio dad is willing to let bella go so easily by myself.  for so long i dealt with the possibilities that we have just avoided on my own… and now i am feeling all mixed up.  it is hard to see that this is a good thing when it means that her real dad~the one who should have loved her from the beginning doesn’t.  even after all these years that hurts.  


still, it is only because of bio dad’s choices that bella and i have the relationship that we do.  so for that i am grateful.

eternally grateful. 



~ by Erin on 24 January, 2007.

2 Responses to “confirmation”

  1. so sorry for the hurt, even in the face of what would be a victory. you do have a very big blessing to count to get you through it, though =] hope it all works out well.

  2. yeah… it did… amante adopted her in june of 2007. they have officially been daughter and father almost a year. an amazing thought… really amazing!

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